We sat there on the sofa, my Mom and I… he was only 5 days old and things were just a little bit too much for me to handle. I loved him so much, I knew that. But my goodness, hormones after delivery can really throw you for a loop!
I felt so grateful to have him, experiencing the overwhelming joy and also the overwhelming responsibility of keeping this tiny human alive. I was exhausted. And I felt so conflicted with the feelings of not wanting to leave the bubble, enjoying every single yawn, breath and stretch… and then the feelings of wanting to get back into the swing of life: taking care of Ezra/the house/getting back out into the world.
It is a strange feeling, coming out of a newborn haze. It’s like there are two different worlds: the one you enter into when your child is born… and then the other world: just normal, regular old life. Merging the two can oftentimes be excruciating and confusing.
Back to the sofa: I cried to my mom, so hard that my words slurred together and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I held him at the same time… looking at him as he slept through it all. I told her all of these things, my fears and all of the reasons I was feeling so guilty as a mother for not appreciating it enough or being there enough or giving him enough… and then also just not wanting the time to pass. She listened to it. Every bit of crazy. And then she helped.
Through my honesty and openness, we were able to work through it together. I trusted that she understood me and just had my back. She stayed with me for a few days after and took the reigns. Spouting out my emotions doesn’t come easy for me and a lot of times I put on a happy face as pretend all is good. But honesty is what has gotten me through those tough parenting moments.
Motherhood and honesty go hand in hand. They absolutely have to. Because it is HARD. We have to be honest with each other; share the good and the bad, the beautiful and downright ugly. Because we need each other and we need to feel less alone in this journey. I try to share it all out there in the world, so that other mothers might trust me with their feelings and know that I GET IT!
When JOHNSON’S asked us to partner with them, I was excited to see that they had made some changes to their brand and products. They have decreased the number of ingredients in their baby shampoos, washes and lotions by more than 50%. They are now free of all dyes, sulfates, parabens and phthalates and 96% of their ingredients are naturally derived.
One thing I admire is their promise to be totally transparent and honest with parents. They are committing to share all research with both parents and competitors… and to share 100% of the ingredients in their products.
Being open and honest will only strengthen relationships and trust… it is never a sign of weakness, especially in motherhood. It is a sign of strength! So let’s also commit right now, to always be honest in this journey, to share it all and be there for each other!
Huge thanks to @JohnsonsBaby for partnering with me on this post. #ChooseGentle