Personal: Words from 2012 I Needed to Hear

Some words from August 23, 2012 – One of my first blog posts ever.

“Sitting these long hours at my desk, (which is a very beautiful desk, in a very beautiful office), I have a lot of time to contemplate other things I could be doing with my time. (Keep in mind, I am very grateful for my job, and that I HAVE a job.) But I think the ultimate goal is to find a job that doesn’t feel like a job. Is this possible? Do you believe this is possible? To love your job so much that your head pops off your pillow in anticipation to get to work. I have been searching for this… (mostly on craigslist) and have yet to find anything that really jumps out and says “I AM WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR! YOU WILL LOVE ME!”

There was one posting for a cake baker at a cute little bakery in downtown Salt Lake. Now, this sounded like something I’d be interested in. I could picture myself mixing the batter with a wooden spoon, wearing a cute little flower print apron, and frosting the cake to perfection. Sounds oh, so lovely. But the pay was minuscule… and Clay said it probably wouldn’t be the best idea considering… well, considering a lot of things. So if you hear anything, I am on the hunt.  I can bake cakes, walk dogs, cuddle dogs, cuddle all animals actually, play instruments, shop, cook mediocre meals (but am willing to learn), read books, do crafty things, travel, oh, and I have a degree in economics and a minor in business management.  I should be the perfect candidate for basically any job. Right?! ???? Life is too short to work to hard, especially working so hard at something you don’t love. So love what you do and do what you love. I’ll be looking for mine.”

Just came across this post. From exactly 6 years ago. I totally remember writing that post. I was sooo bored. Sitting at an office desk job that I HATED. I dreaded going there every day. Sitting. All. Day. for 8 hours. I lived for that 30 minute lunch break like nothing else. It was all I could think about in the morning, and after lunch, all I could think about was going home. I was grateful for that job, I really was. I NEEDED that job. But that doesn’t mean I can’t hate it.

I cannot believe the timing of this, I feel it came at the most perfect time… I needed to hear my own words just to realize where I was and where we are now. I have been feeling all fuddy duddy lately… like WHAT AM I EVEN DOING?! But reading that snapped me back to where I am supposed to be. I am so grateful. SO SO grateful! I am doing exactly what I love for a LIVING! And I get to work alongside my husband. We have two kids who I adore and I get to spend most days with. If you would have told me 6 years ago as I was sitting in that office that this would be my life, I would have jumped for joy!

So then, why is it so easy to get caught up in thinking what you have isn’t enough, or that you aren’t doing enough? That thought it the number one culprit for my unhappiness. The feeling that I need to do more more MORE!

Clay read me a quote yesterday that said

“the gap between more and enough never closes.”

That is the problem… with me, with our society. It is that we want more. Always more. 6 years ago, this is what I wanted. Now that I am here, it it no longer what I want, I want more. I do believe this mindset can be so motivating and it can be seen as drive and passion. But there comes a point when ones needs to stop, acknowledge what we have, realize it is good, show gratitude for everything that we have, give back, and then move forward with grace for ourselves and for others around us.

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  1. Tatum Langton says:

    I remember you in 2012 before you started doing giveaways and being your own bad ass lady boss. It’s been amazing to watch your growth. The great thing about wanting more AND being grateful for what you have at the same time, is that it does produce creativity and innovation, an even better version, a more revealed version of the already amazing you. You can love where you are and love where you’re going. I have no doubt you will continue to grow into whatever you want to be next. You’re that kinda girl. Thank you for posting this. I have to say the same thing about me. This was a great reminder for how far I’ve come in the last 6 years. Love you!

  2. Daniele says:

    This post is perfect! I have a good life, my husband has an amazing carreer that makes possible for me to be a stay home mom, but takes so much of his time, sometimes I wish a life like this you wrote about for us, working from home, with my husband! But at the same time I am affraid, from an outsider this industry seems pretty insecure! What are you thoughts on this? (Hope you don’t mind my question, I love your blog and follow for a long time, is really a thought in my head that I always have when think about this)

  3. Delia says:

    This is nice and it also describes me at the same time. I’m a stay home mom, I have a 9 month old girl and a 21/2 year old boy. I really get how you feel and I absolutely agree with everything on your post, but honestly once you’re where you want to be and you say it’s perfect, it really isn’t. I use to work in the retail environment at Verizon Wireless for 11 years, yup, with face to face customers, dealing with all the bs, and rude people, but there were also good ones. I met my husband there and now we have gone very far, we own a home in lake view terrace CA. I quit my job recently and we been married since 2015 but together since 2011. We had a beautiful backyard wedding in our own home, I wanted to invest in my house at the same time that was mainly the idea???? I was 6 months pregnant and now ,well, we have two beautiful children and a step daughter that came along with the package but she’s only here on the weekends and goes back to her mother. But the big question is, is it really here where I want to be, am I really happy with what we have so far. My husband has his own business, works at least 6 days a week for 12 hours from home and on the road, then he comes home and relaxes, but he is still working making phone calls here or on our way to the market, me I’m just here all day with the kids cleaning, cleaning, cleaning because it’s hard to go out with two with no help and my son is a hand-full so all I do it’s clean, feed, naps, clean while they nap because if I don’t get to those dirty toilets no one will. We try to do stuff on Sunday’s but for the most part we stay home again. My husband focuses on bringing food to the table and I do the rest. This takes a lot out of me, being home all week makes me go nuts but I have to do it because now this is where I am. Things will change for us Mary, kids grow up they go to school then your all alone with all this time on your hands, The main key to all this it’s PATIENCE, God has a purpose for us and all we have to do it’s just let things fall into place. You will get far girl!!!! You got this. I do want to say though that I miss the 15 minute break, the 30 minute lunch and all the bathroom breaks I had at work, now I don’t get any of those without having a little monkey hanging down my leg and the other one poking my nose or pulling my hair. Thanks for the post, I literally cried before I decided to reply, my grammar it’s not that great and I only made it to high school so my self esteem it’s not that great, you’re a great inspiration to me and I’m sure to a lot of people but don’t let that Be another thing on your plate, us humans are never satisfied, so focus on your self and your beautiful family and do what makes you happy.

    • Delwyn says:

      Hello, I am coming from years down the track but remember being weighed down with getting through the day. Now those years have gone in a blink but I do have some advice. Firstly, look for the joy of having little people around you as if that was the best thing in your day. Be grateful for them. Second, get involved or set up a weekly playgroup. There are many others like you. Share the day to day stuff. Third, don’t wait until your husband is available until you do the family things. He may miss out but you all will if you don’t get to the park for a picnic, the beach, the playground, or to Grandmas. If you were a solo mum you would want those things for you and your kids. When your husband does come it will be a whole new adventure. And that will take the pressure off him. Lastly, who really cares if things aren’t spotless. Clean what is essential but playing with your kids, reading stories and getting out is better for them and you.

  4. amy says:

    gosh this is good & i so needed to hear allllll these words & feelings!!! thank you for posting ???????????????????????? your words brought some much needed reminders & encouragement!!!!

  5. Tina says:

    I needed to hear this! I am in that gap. My husband is in the gap. We are wanting something more and feeling stuck. Thank you for being an inspiration and talking about all the REAL LIFE stuff that a lot of bloggers don’t. I wish we still lived by each other! You have always been an inspiration for creativity and living your best life. I remember sitting on your front porch with our guitars playing Alison Krauss. You have come so far… and still have so much more out there for you! Glad you are able to share it with the world! I haven’t blogged for 3 years and I am craving the creativity of writing! I’m going to go back and read my words… and hopefully get a little push to pick it back up!

    Miss you friend!

  6. Arielle says:

    Love this so much, and I REMEMBER reading this back in the day and thinking, “she’s describing me,” because I was stuck and desperately searching job sites and doing research to try to find a job I would love! I was even researching starting my own cake baking business out of my own home but ultimately determined that it wouldn’t pay enough for the effort. You’re a woman after my own heart! I’m working on creating my dream now! You inspire me!<3

  7. Sarah says:

    This is spot on. And something I needed to hear too. 🙂 Thank you for sharing.

  8. Sheree says:

    Every “more” that we desire is ultimately because we believe that “more” is going to make us happy. But once we get that “more”, it’s not enough and we seek more. Every decision we make is because we think it will lead us to happiness…this is why we apply for that job, decide to get married, decide to have children, decide to buy homes, etc., etc. Ultimately, those things can never make us happy because those things will never be 100% the way we want them. We tend to suffer the things we don’t have and then when we get then, we tend to suffer because we have those things. Happiness is not a chase nor a dream nor an end. I believe it’s something inside of us, despite all of our outward accomplishments, failures, successes, possessions or lack of possessions. It’s an inward change that has to happen, not an outward change.

  9. Alexandra says:

    Wow, this post speaks to me… I am feeling the same. And don’t get me wrong, I am Happy in life. I have a perfect little boy, a beautieful and so much more husband, a job, a home… But I want to find my individuality. I feel like I am good at my teacher job, but I would like people to see me for me… To communicate more about me, not just through the role people give me… Does it make any sense? I started trying to write a blog but I feel so weird doing it because I feel no one really cares… ???? Anyway, your post speaks to me


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